Why do New Years Resolutions Always Fail? The #1 Reason

Why do New Years Resolutions Always Fail? The #1 Reason

Setting New Year’s resolutions is something most of us do every single year, but it seems like almost none of us ever seem to follow through with them. So it begs the question, why do our New Year’s resolutions always fail? 

Does this situation sound familiar to you?

It’s January 1st. You’re motivated, you’re inspired, and you’re ready to totally SLAY your New Year’s Resolutions! “THIS year”, you think, is going to be the year I make BIG changes in my life!”.

But after a few weeks into January, you start to notice something…

You start to notice that all those “big changes” you were planning are just…not happening.

What’s the deal?! Why is it that year after year, we so often FAIL to keep our New Year’s Resolutions?

I saw a funny quote the other day that said “every night I go to bed believing that tomorrow I’ll wake up with the motivation and work ethic that I have never displayed in my entire life.”

Honestly, I think this may just be the most relatable thing I’ve ever read.

It took me YEARS to learn how to develop the motivation to truly stick with my goals. It wasn’t easy, and it took practice – and there were definitely times when I strayed off track and had to find my way back again.

But throughout all this practice, I learned a LOT about how our minds work with regards to setting goals for ourselves. So I’ll get right into it, with:

Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail

The number one reason why most people fail to keep their New Year’s Resolutions is undoubtedly because they are setting goals that are FAR TOO HIGH.

Although it may seem like it’s a good thing to set high goals, in reality, it just sets you up for disappointment down the road.

Ultimately, when you set goals that are too high, you’re expecting yourself to somehow magically adopt new habits overnight. AS IF adopting new habits was that easy!

The truth is, changing our habits is a lot more difficult than we think.

Over the years, I’ve learned that our ability to pursue our goals and stick with new habits is a combination of two things:

  1. Our underlying motivation behind our goals, and
  2. The habits we already have

In order to make goals and form new habits that we actually stick to, we need to get to the root cause of WHY we want this habit in the first place. How will it make us feel? Happier, more confident, more at ease? How is it going to change our life for the better?

On top of that, we also need to take into consideration the habits we already have. If you naturally wake up at 10am every morning, then setting your New Year’s Resolution to waking up at 6am may not be the most realistic thing to do. Think about your lifestyle as it already is – what are your current habits?

New Year’s Resolutions typically fail when your goals look something like this:

I want to wake up at x time to work out every day and lose x amount of weight by x date

If this is your goal, I can almost guarantee you that you won’t stick with this in the long run. Why? Because this goal does NOT sound fun. It sounds like you’re forcing yourself to do a whole lot of work for a number on the scale!

When you make goals simply in the hopes of reaching a final end point (like losing x amount of weight), you’re not forming sustainable goals. Instead, you’re trying to force habits onto yourself that don’t actually feel good to you and that WON’T work with your lifestyle – which is why you’ll never feel like doing them!

BUT, your New Year’s Resolutions will be less likely to fail if they look something like this:

I want to build a lifestyle that makes me feel energized in the morning – I want to move my body before work, and I want to feel good throughout the day

This is a MUCH healthier and more achievable goal because it doesn’t confine you to strict boundaries and tight guidelines. Instead of coming from a place of enforcement and restriction, it comes from a place of encouragement and inspiration. This way, you’ll feel much more motivated to actually work towards your goal.

goals - how do you want to feel?

They key is creating goals that are sustainable – ones that you want to pursue, ones that don’t feel like work

One very important thing to remember when it comes to sustainable goals is that you can’t expect them to happen overnight. There’s no way you’re going to be able to go from never exercising on January 1st to all of a sudden being Kayla Itsines on the 5th!

These habits take TIME.

It’s always uncomfortable implementing new habits at first – but if you make sure that your habits are things you actually enjoy doing and make you feel good, then reaching your goals is going to be SO much easier!

Some final tips to help you keep your New Year’s Resolutions:

  1. Focus on how you want to feel, rather than what you want to achieve. This will help reframe your mind into thinking about your goals as something you truly want, rather than something you need.
  2. Don’t make too many resolutions at once! Start out by choosing just one or two good goals – it may not seem like much, but trust me, it’ll be enough!
  3. Don’t expect miracles overnight. Remember that changing habits takes time.
  4. Write down your action plan – this will help you make solid steps towards actually reaching your goals. The more detail, the more likely you are to succeed.
  5. Keep a journal to track your progress. Write down everything – the good and the bad. This will help you learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.

And finally – remember to go easy on yourself. Make sure your resolutions are coming from a place of self-love and self-respect rather than just self-improvement for the sake of self-improvement. Enjoy the process and embrace the detours. This is what it’s all about!

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
How to Change Your Habits Quickly: The Secret That Will Get You Started in 5 Minutes!

How to Change Your Habits Quickly: The Secret That Will Get You Started in 5 Minutes!

We all want to learn how to change our habits for the better. Let me be more accurate – we all want to learn how to change our habits for the better as quickly as possible!

I mean, let’s be honest – how many times have we written our New Year’s Resolutions determined that come January 1st, we will be this totally new and improved version of ourselves? Ta-da!

Well, I’ve been studying habits for quite some time now, and sadly, there isn’t really a “quick-fix” way to change your habits – which is why most people FAIL.

Think about it – when you try to change your habits too quickly, your lifestyle won’t be able to keep up. You get overwhelmed, you get disheartened, and then you go straight back to ground zero. 

But don’t worry just yet, because I’ve got some great news…

You CAN change your habits and the course of your life IMMEDIATELY with this one little-known secret…

So what’s the big secret?

Well, it all comes down to you making a decision. You must make the simple decision that you want to change, but you must ACCEPT that this change will be SLOW!

Okay, I know I said that this article was about changing habits quickly, but I need to access the people that think this is possible – and then give them a big REALITY CHECK!

 That’s why this article should really be called…

How to Change Your Habits Quickly by Going Slowly

Paradoxical, I know. But honestly: the fastest way to change your habits quickly is to GO SLOWLY – making tiny changes that will give BIG rewards. 

And I’m going to show you exactly how to do this in just 3 simple steps:

Step 1: Start by changing your mindset

It all starts with your mindset. If you decide to change your life, you can and you will.

Your mindset is so unbelievably powerful. So powerful that people have used pure willpower to overcome extreme life circumstances – reaching crazy levels of success and achieving near unfathomable things (let’s not forget the mothers who have literally lifted cars to save their children).

If you have a strong will, you can do just about anything!

Of course it does take time to overcome your mental blocks, but that initial decision to change your habits for the better is what can change it all!

Here are the 3 most important mindset shifts you need:

1. Learn to be patient: your habits won’t change overnight. You need to realize it will take a bit of time. Be patient with yourself and don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen as quickly as you’d like it to.

2. Shift from thinking that you need this new habit to actually wanting this new habit: you need to remind yourself that this habit will bring you to a place that you want to be in life. Don’t think of it as a chore, or something to tick of your New Year’s Resolutions list, think of it as something that will make you genuinely happier in your day-to-day life.

3. Understand that new habits will be TOUGH at first: you have to push through the discomfort – that’s the only way you’ll be able to reach a point where your habits will stick.

Step 2: Don’t expect your entire life to all of a sudden change – start with just ONE habit

Start with ONE habit that you want to change that will give you the most reward. By starting with one small change and sticking with it each day, you’ll get into the habit of self-improvement and continuous growth. Over time, this will snowball into big changes in your life!

In my course on personal development and habit-building (which is coming soon, btw!), I talk about the idea of habit stacking. This is the BEST and easiest way to make lasting change, because it allows you to build upon your habits over time.

It also works great because it makes you develop a “cue” that will remind you to do your new habit every day.

Here’s a quick and easy way to habit stack using cues: 

  1. Start by choosing the habit that you think will change your daily routine the most (and for the best). For example, waking up earlier.
  2. Once you have gotten used to this habit, add another habit that builds off of the first one. For example, adding 5 minutes of exercise to your morning routine. 
  3. Once both of those habits are in place (after about a month or so), add yet another habit onto them. For example, making a healthy breakfast that will fuel your day.

This technique works well because it allows each of your habits to become cues for the next habit, allowing you to add habit after habit to create a routine that works for you!

Step 3: Make a goal plan to help you change your habits

Making a plan can change your life. It can lead to real results and lasting change.

Just the simple act of writing something down that you are looking forward to can make you feel so much happier and more motivated!

That’s why it’s important to write down a simple goal plan that outlines all the steps that you need to take in order to reach your goals and change your habits.

This will serve as a daily reminder that outlines specific steps that will make the whole process of changing your habits much easier. 

Some tips for helping you make an effective goal plan include:

– Choosing habits that will serve your wider goals

– Choosing habits that compliment each other (for example, habits that are easily stackable)

Give yourself two weeks to a month to allow for each new habit to become ingrained in your routine. And remember – some habits will come quicker than others!

The time is NOW to change your habits!

You CAN change your habits and you CAN change your life – and you can do this all right now.

As long as you are willing and able to accept that these changes won’t necessarily be instant – and that they will take real effort and determination – then you’ve already done half the battle!

Some closing words of wisdom to help you going forward:

– It all starts with 3 key mindset shifts – learning to be patient, shifting from thinking that you need to change your habits to actually wanting to change your habits, and understanding that incorporating new habits will be tough at first

– Think baby steps: start small with just one habit change, and work your way up from there

– Take some time to write down a goal plan that outlines the practical steps you need to take to change your habits

– And lastly (but definitely not least!) – don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember that changing your habits is a difficult thing to do – so don’t worry if you run into some bumps in the road (this is normal!). Celebrate the small wins – because it’s the small wins that will over time turn into the big wins.

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
Best Vision Board Alternative: Find Yours to Supercharge Your Goals

Best Vision Board Alternative: Find Yours to Supercharge Your Goals

I love vision boards, the law of attraction, and manifesting so much! They are amazing ways to attract the goals you want! A lot of people like to make their vision boards and then “let go” and not look at them, which is one way of doing things, but I like to be reminded of my goals and dreams every day! That’s why I’ve come up with some fun vision board alternatives to give you daily inspiration and help skyrocket your goals as we move into 2020!

Here are my Top Vision Board Alternatives for Achieving Your Goals!

Alternative #1: Vision board photo wall

Simply having some cute photos pinned to your wall is another great way to start a vision board (or turn it into something amazing!)

You can cut pictures from magazines, print some off the internet, write quotes – whatever you would do for a vision board, but this can be ever changing. You can add, remove, replace, and make it something really special!

And you can keep it where you can see it, like I do!

Vision board alternative #2: sticky notes where you can see them

Sticky notes can be absolutely great for manifesting! You can write down your intentions, positive affirmations, big goals – and place them around your living space where you can get reminders!

You can also put pictures too if you’d like, but sticky notes are just so easy!

Tip: Write down your intentions as if you already have done them! And sprinkle in some gratitude to that!

Example: I am grateful that I have my 6-figure dream job.

Shows an alternative to having a vision board, using sticky notes.

Alternative #3: audio “vision board”

I find this one really exciting! I love the power of meditations and listening to audio to increase the power of your record a message of your hopes and dreams and listen to it each morning.

Again, with this you can record positive affirmations, messages of gratitude, setting an intention for the day, list your goals as if you have them, or anything else you would like!

Here’s a voice recording app for apple and this one is for android.

Visional board alternative #4: Using a goal planner (like this one!)

I love using a goal planner! It’s such a great way to break down your goals into easy tasks that you can complete and feel good about!

It’s the best way to reach your goals (in my opinion) because it helps you look at it in small chunks, which makes everything less overwhelming and much more do-able!

#5. Pinterest vision board

This is kind of the point of Pinterest in a way!

It’s a great, virtual way to gather all of your important dreams and goals into one place!

You can also find great tips for reaching your goals on there too!

(bonus tip: have a bookmark in your browser linking to your Pinterest vision board so that you can refer to it when you need some extra inspiration!)

#6. Vision Journal

Use a journal or journal prompts for fulfilling your visions!

You can write your affirmations each morning/evening to set your day up for success!

Keep a journal by your bed so that you remember to do it!

Journaling as an alternative to a vision board

#7. Guided vision meditations/visual meditations as an alternative

Guided meditations are a great way to help you manifest and create a solid vision. 

This is a way that you can practice the law of attraction daily, in an active way!

There are so many great options out there on youtube, you can get a manifestation video for pretty much anything you want!

There’s also a cool website called mindmovies, which I’ve never personally used – but they create powerful manifestation videos for specific goals. Could be worth a shot!

Do you have a favourite vision board alternative?

Let me know in the comments!

10 Ways to Create a Stress-Free Mindset

10 Ways to Create a Stress-Free Mindset

Stress is one of those pesky little things that unfortunately all of us have to deal with every once and a while. Some of us, however, may feel stressed-out more than others. In fact, if you’re anything like me, then you know what it’s like living with constant feelings of stress and anxiety.

This is no way to live. And that’s why I’m happy to tell you that there are actionable steps you can take to seriously reduce the stress levels in your life.

So sit back and relax, because here are 10 of the most effective ways of creating a truly stress-free mindset (so that you can start living your best life!).

    1. Focus on the present moment

    You’ve heard it before (probably a thousand times), but I’m gonna tell you again – mindfulness is key! When it comes to living a stress-free life, this is seriously where it all begins.

    Mindfulness means actively grounding yourself in the present moment. Too often, we spend our days locked up in our minds either ruminating over the past or worrying about the future. This leads to a constant underlying feeling of stress and uneasiness. The only antidote to this is bringing your attention fully to the present moment.

    Ask yourself: How am I feeling right here, right now?

    2. Exercise regularly

    Exercise has been proven time and time again to reduce stress and increase your happy hormones. It’s basically a one-stop shop for feeling good and getting those anxiety levels down!

    The best way to start implementing exercise into your daily routine is to not think of it as a chore and instead think of it as a tool to improve your mental health. 

    And remember – you don’t have to do a super intesne workout either! Even just going for a 20 minute walk can make a world of difference when you’re having a stressful day. 

    Ask yourself: what type of physical activity would suit my taste and my daily schedule?

    3. Stick to a daily routine

    This one tends to be hard for many people (including myself), but it’s essential in helping reduce stress on a day-to-day basis. Here are the 3 main reasons why:

    #1 – It reduces the number of decisions you have to make during the day (= less chance of “decision fatigue)

    #2 – It helps make you more efficient and wastes less time (= less overall stress)

    #3 – It helps you stick to daily habits that make you feel GOOD (such as going to bed at a certain time, eating at certain times, etc)

    Ask yourself: what daily routine would help me be the most efficient, while also the most calm?

    4. Focus on one thing at a time

    If you’ve ever had one of those days when you just have LOADS of stuff on your to-do list, then you’ll know that multi-tasking only makes things worse.

    The truth is, when we try to do too many things at once, it usually backfires. Not only are we actually less efficient (because we’re splitting our focus), but we also get more overwhelmed! Try giving yourself a break and just focus your attention on one thing at a time.

    Ask yourself: What items are the MOST pressing? What items can wait until a bit later?

    5. Simplify your schedule

    Despite what we may want to beleive, we really can’t do it all. 

    In fact, one of my favourite sayings is “you can do anything, but you can’t do everything”. This is great life advice. Honestly, sometimes you just need to make a compromise with yourself.

    Ask yourself: what items can I cut from my to-do list? (yes, it’s supposed to be hard!).

    6. Work on your confidence

    Sometimes we feel stressed at work or at school (or in other areas of our lives) because we don’t think we are good enough. 

    We think that we won’t be able to get something done on time or that it won’t be good enough. This can cause significant amounts of stress. 

    Working on your confidence is a great way to get to the core of the problem. I actually have some free journal worksheet for self-love (and consequently self-confidence) that you can sign up for below! And you’ll also get other worksheets that help with productivity and more!

    Ask yourself: What areas in my life could use a little self-esteem boost?

    7. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 rule

    The 5-4-3-2-1 rule was created by Mel Robbins and it’s a strategy that can help reduce procrastination and ultimately lead to reduced stress. 

    Basically, this principle just involves counting down from 5 and just doing whatever you don’t feel like doing when you reach 1. Almost like a ‘ready-set-go’ for your goals!

    This rule does work IF you really commit to it. It’s not a magical cure-all for procrastination, but with practice and commitment it can really help!

    Ask yourself: what do I really need to do but really don’t feel like doing?

    8. Trust that things will be okay

    Obviously, this one is much easier said than done, but it’s all about creating a gradual mindset shift. 

    Next time you find yourself stressing about something, try to accept the fact that most likely, things will work out. And if they don’t go super great, you’re strong enough to handle it!

    This is a principle that was extremely helpful in helping me reduce stress in my life and overcome anxiety.

    Ask yourself: what’s the worst that could happen? (hint: it’s probabaly not that bad, and you’ll very likely be able to handle it!)

    9. Focus on things that bring you joy

    If you spend some time focusing on things that bring you joy, you’ll have less time to think about the things that make you stressed. 

    You’ll also generally feel happier, which will lead to more mental resilience when dealing with stress. 

    Ask yourself: what makes my soul light up?

    10. Take time to reflect on the things that make you the most stressed

    We are all so different, and what’s stressful for one person may not be stressful for the next.  

    This is why it’s important to identify what is causing stress for you and think of ways that will help you to reduce that stress in your life.  

    Ask yourself: what are my particular stress-triggers?

    P.S. If you need a little extra help reducing stress in your life, there’s always therapy/counselling/coaching, etc. These are always great options no matter how little or much stress you have! 

    P.P.S. You can also grab all of my free worksheets to help manage stress and improve your self-care!

    Sagesse ("Say Jess")

    Sagesse ("Say Jess")

    Owner of Mindaya

    Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
    How to Deal with Overwhelm

    How to Deal with Overwhelm

    When I was in university, I was enrolled in an engineering program, and this meant two things:

    1. That I had all my classes with the same group of students, and
    2. That we always had a sh*t ton of work to do!

    Every once and awhile though, that regular sh*t ton of work to do would turn into an unmanageable, completely impossible sh*t ton of work to do! We would sometimes have so much assigned to us at the same time that it actually seemed physically impossible to get it all done (which it was). 

    Thankfully though, there was always that one calm and collected classmate who would tell the professors that we had too much work to do, and the professors would then switch some deadlines around. 

    This experience taught me one very important thing about being overwhelmed: if it seems too unrealistic, it probably is. 

    So what does this mean for you?

    If you feel overwhelmed, take a step back and look at everything you have to do from an outside perspective. Is it too much for one person to do? Would someone else struggle if they were in your situation? Or is it just more than you should be handling right now? (Remember to go easy on yourself. If you’re feeling tired and rundown, you need to listen to your body and lessen your workload). 

    If after you’ve done this you realize that it is too much work for you, there are a few simple questions you can ask yourself to help the situation:

    • Are there any non-urgent tasks that I can push to do later?
    • Are there any tasks that I can postpone the deadline on or ask to get the deadline postponed on?
    • Are there any tasks I can easily delegate to someone else?

    Just these few things alone can lighten your workload immensely.

    For your remaining tasks (the ones that are urgent, the ones that you can’t postpone, and the ones that you can’t delegate), you can take the following steps to organize them in a way that will make them easier to handle:

    Step 1

    Group together all of the easier tasks that will realistically only take you about 5 – 10 minutes to complete. Then, schedule them into specific time slots when you’ll get them done (preferably earlier in the day so you can get them out of the way).

    Step 2

    After you’ve finished the easier tasks, get the most urgent tasks done. Even if they’re the ones you really don’t want to do – just get them done and out of the way (you’ll feel so much better once you do).

    Step 3

    Schedule time for your remaining tasks according to how much focus they require. For tasks that require more focus, schedule them during a time that you can be alone and more attentive. For tasks that don’t need as much focus, schedule them during the gaps in your day.

    Step 4

    Get it in your mind to focus on one thing at a time and to not hesitate. Often, when we have too much to do, we think about everything at once, which just makes us lose focus and become overwhelmed. We also tend to hesitate and overthink about what task we should begin first. This often leads to not doing anything at all! You just need to start doing one thing really well without overthinking it too much (this is why it’s important to schedule your tasks and stick to that schedule!).

    Some more things to keep in mind

    1. The world will go on if you don’t get everything done. The outcome is definitely not going to be as bad as you think it will be.
    2. There are always people who will be willing to help you if you have too much on your plate – you just need to reach out and tell them what’s going on. If you are sincere and vulnerable, people will understand and be happy to help (as long as it’s not a regular occurrence and you end up taking advantage of them).
    3. If you always have way too much to do, it’s time to be firm with yourself and reevaluate your workload to see if you have too many responsibilities. It might be helpful for you to cut something out of your life for a while if it’s taking too much of your time and damaging your mental health. 
    4. Take a minute to move your body and exercise! This will help you recharge your body and mind. Seriously, it works wonders – don’t underestimate it!
    5. Schedule in small breaks. Your mind can’t run on hyperdrive all day. Even a quick 10-minute break will help reset it.

    Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t have to be a normal state of mind for you. There are always things you can do to help relieve some stress and lessen your workload. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll be able to start enjoying your life (no matter how busy you are!).

    Sagesse ("Say Jess")

    Sagesse ("Say Jess")

    Owner of Mindaya

    Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
    How to Ease Out of Social Distancing When You Have Social Anxiety

    How to Ease Out of Social Distancing When You Have Social Anxiety

    If you’re a naturally socially anxious person, you may be struggling with the whole quarantine thing. And I don’t mean being IN quaranitne (that was the easy part!), I’m talking about coming OUT of quarantine.

    If you’re anything like me, then social distancing was probably a breeze for you. You didn’t have to socialize with anyone, and you didn‘t have to go through any social awkwardness. Score!

    But now that the world is slowly starting to open back up again, you may have some anxious thoughts floating around your head, like “uh, I didn’t know how to talk to people in the first place – how am I supposed to just jump right back into this whole social thing now?!”.

    What makes it even worse is that there’s now this added awkwardness because you still have to stay distanced from people, so you can’t shake hands or hug. This then begs the question – “what the heck do I do instead?!“. 

    Well, have no fear! This is exactly what I’m here for!

      Just want to let ya know: The information and tips on this website are from my personal experience with anxiety and are not a substitute for any type of medical, psychological or health advice. You can view our full disclaimer policy here.

    There is always help out there, and you can find a mental health professional locally, through your doctor, or through an online directory like this one. This is a link to a great article with affordable therapy options and this is an affiliate link to a great online therapy option. If you are in a crisis, I have a list of help hotlines here. You are not alone!!

     

    Here are my top 4 tips on how to ease out of quarantine if you’re socially anxious

    1. Write a list of social situations that make you anxious

    Everyone reacts differently to different social situations. Take some time here to write a list of all the social situations that trigger anxiety for you. Is it running into people you haven’t seen in a long time? Is it hugging? Is it small talk? Big groups? One-on-one chats? Everyone is totally different. After you’ve done this, take a moment to write down whether or not COVID has made each situation better or worse.

    For me, I’ve noticed that I get social anxiety when I hang out with aquaintances. I’m not close enough to them that the conversation flows easily, so I find it can sometimes feel a bit awkward.

    This, of course, gets even worse when you add social distancing into the equation. Now these already-awkward acquaintance hang-outs turn even more uncomfortable because 1) we have to stay awkwardly far apart and 2) conversation gets old REAL fast (explaining what you’ve been doing – or not doing – during quarantine really doesn’t make for dazzling conversation).

    Another anxiety-inducing situation for me is seeing people out in public when I’m not “prepared” for them. For example, when I’m grocery shopping and I see someone I *kind of* know. I never know if I should wave, smile, stop and talk, or just keep walking!

    This is also worse with COVID because now everyone’s wearing a mask, so it’s hard to see what their facial expression is…which makes it even harder to know how to act! Ahh!

    2. Write down ways that you can make each situation less anxiety-inducing

    Once you’ve identified your anxiety-inducing sitatuons, it’s time to start thinking of ways you can make yourself feel more comfortable with them.

    But keep in mind, “avoiding” is NOT (I repeat NOT) a valid solution! Going through life attempting to just dodge every situation that makes you feel uncomfortable is only going to add to the problem. Trust me, it may make you feel good in the moment, but it will not serve you in the long term.

    Instead, try to think of little things you can do to just relieve some of your stress. It could be as simple as doing some deep breathing exercises before going into a nerve-racking social situation.

    For me, I found that the most effective way to combat my social anxiety was to just expose myself to situations that made me feel anxious. I didn’t like it at first, but the more I forced myself to do it, the more comfortable I got with it. If you can get used to being comfortable even in slightly awkward situations, a whole new world will open up for you! 

    3. Prepare yourself beforehand

    This is something I’ve been doing for-ever! And I promise you, it works – VERY WELL.

    If I’m going into a social situation where I know I may not have many things to talk about, I prepare a little list in advance of stories I’ll share or questions I’ll ask. I know, I know – it may sound a bit “over-achiever”, but hey – it does the job!

    This is especially helpful for coming out of quarantine and reconeccting with people you maybe haven’t seen in several months. It can be super awkward knowing how to summarize an entire 4-5 months of your life where you’ve been doing prettttty much nothing at home!

    Here’s a great list of conversation starters to get you inspired by ‘people expert’ Vanessa Van Edwards!

    4. Find ways to practice – start small, and slowly work up

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – the BEST way to overcome your anxiety is to face your fears head-on. This goes for social anxiety as well!

    Start by choosing low-stress social situations. What makes you slightly anxious, but not overly anxious? Talking to strangers on the phone? Talking to friends on the phone? Meeting people for coffee? Again, it’s totally different for everyone.

    Once you’ve gotten used to exposing yourself to these “low-risk” situations, raise the bar a little bit. Keep working yourself up to more anxiety-inducing situations bit-by-bit until finally, you’re ready to face your biggest fears. This is called ‘exposure therapy’, and it works amazingly. In fact, it was the #1 way I was able to overcome social anxiety myself!

    Other tips for coming out of quarantine

    I know it can be awkward meeting people in person but still staying 6 feet apart. You may feel like you’re being cold by not hugging someone or shaking their hands. I say, just address the elephant in the room! Try saying outright, “I’d shake your hand (or hug you), but you probably don’t want my germs!”. You’d be surprised at how well this can break the tension!

    I also suggest mirroring the other person and just doing what they do. This can release a lot of pressure on you to “do the right thing”. Sometimes, it’s good to be a follower!

    Below, you’ll find links to some more helpful resources that will guide you in getting to the root cause of your social anxiety so that you can learn how to overcome it – I highly recommend checking them out! 

    Sagesse ("Say Jess")

    Sagesse ("Say Jess")

    Owner of Mindaya

    Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!