8 Things You Were Scolded For as a Child That Have Hurt Your Self-Esteem as an Adult

8 Things You Were Scolded For as a Child That Have Hurt Your Self-Esteem as an Adult

I think it’s safe to say that everyone struggles with their self-esteem at some point or another. It’s just human nature.

But although we may think that low self-esteem is just “our own issue”, most of the time it actually comes about because of things we were taught (that is, things were were scolded for) in our childhood!

When we were growing up, we learned from our parents, our teachers, our peers, and – of course – the media, that we should feel self-conscious and that we should feel as though we aren’t enough just the way we are. These feelings of inadequacy then became embedded in our mind, and as we grew up, it manifested in low self-esteem. And the more complicated life got, the worse our self-esteem seemed to get!

So for this blog post, I thought I’d take a look at some common things that we were scolded for in our childhood that have led to us being self-conscious as adults. And at the end of the article, I’ll explore some practical tools that will help reverse these effects! 

Not getting good grades

If you were scolded for not getting good grades as a child, then you might have started to associate your self-worth with your accomplishments in life.

This is something that so many of us do. But in reality, we should never get our sense of worth based on the things we accomplish (in school, in our career, or otherwise). Things like this will come and go – and our self-worth will fluctuate with it!

Instead, we should aim to feel worthy based on who we are as a person.

Saying something “stupid” 

If you’ve been made fun of or gotten into trouble for saying something that others deem as “stupid” when you were a child, then later in life, you may constantly feel like you’re saying something stupid.

The truth is, everyone at some point says something stupid. And honestly, it’s not even stupid – it’s just that you might have interpreted something differently or you didn’t quite understand what someone meant. Or it could have just been a total brain fart – it happens to the best of us!

We all have such different backgrounds and such different experiences – you can’t expect to know everything and be able to respond “perfectly” to everything people say.

Doing something wrong  

Children don’t have the same knowledge about what’s ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ as adults do. This is just biology. 

While it’s important to learn right/wrong when we’re growing up, we can’t be expected to become morality masters when we’re 5 years old (or even 10, 12, or 15 years old!). If you were constantly scolded for doing something “wrong” when you were a child, you may become anxious about not doing the right thing when you’re older.

This is problematic, because humans aren’t perfect creatures, and we will all do something wrong at some point. This doesn’t make us bad, and it shoudln’t be something we’re self-conscious about. 

Getting angry or emotional

Think about the last time you were sad. What about angry? Frustrated? I’m willing to bet you can remember. Why? Because we have these emotions ALL the time!

Being angry and emotional is a totally natural part of life. The thing is, while we don’t shame adults for being emotional, we do shame kids for it!

For some reason, a lot of people get really mad at children for showing emotion. Not everybody does this of course, but you may have had experiences as a child where you were scolded for just feeling your feelings. I just want to tell you that it’s not your fault, and that it’s okay to feel these things.

If more children were allowed to express their emotions freely, then maybe we wouldn’t have as many adults who are unable to express their emotions or who bottle them all up and then have other, more serious problems as a result.

Eating something that you weren’t supposed to

Many of our parents grew up in a diet culture, so when you were growing up, you may have experienced them telling you things like “that’s not healthy!” or “that’ll make you gain weight!”.

Even if you were never “scolded” for it, there’s a lot of subtle language that can make us feel bad about our food choices (and maybe even our bodies) that can cause us to have major food issues and body image issues as adults. 

Doing something that wasn’t your fault

Sometimes when we were kids, we got into trouble for things that someone else did. When this happened to us, we didnt understand why, and we didn’t know how to process it. It just seemed so unfair.

If this happened to you a lot, you may later in life start to worry that people won’t beleive you or that people are “out to get you”. This is a dangerous thing to think, as it can cause major trust issues

Speaking your mind

How many of you remeber being told as a kid “don’t say that!”. I’m betting a lot of you!

The thing is, many children were taught that they had to behave the same way as adults. We had to say what adults wanted us to say and do what adults wanted us to do. And if we ever were to speak our minds or disagree with our “elders”, they’d get angry at us, and we’d begin to think that it’s not okay to speak our minds.

Later in life, this could lead to you feeling insecure or uncomfortable about speaking your mind for fear of being rejected or shut down. 

Not wanting to do something

When I was young, I honestly felt so bad for the kids who never got to have a say in what they wanted to do. Nowadays, there are a lot of kids who get to do whatever they want (this is a different problem!), but there are still a lot of kids who literally don’t get to do what they want – at all.

Alternatively, if they don’t want to do something that really upsets them for some reason (that reason might be hard for adults to understand, but it’s valid nonetheless) and they were pushed to do it anyway, then that would lead them believing that their opinions aren’t valid later in life. And if that happened to you as a child you may have some unconscious beliefs that people don’t care about your opinion.

How to reverse these ideas

Damaged self-esteem from childhood can be difficult to heal, but don’t worry – it’s not impossible! It just takes some practice. Over time, your beliefs can change – as long as you take active steps towards changing them. And that’s what I’m here to help for!

 Some good first steps include:

  • Journaling
  • Bringing awareness to your self-talk in situations that make you feel self-conscious
  • Actively working on self-love
  • Working on healing your inner-child
  • Therapy or counselling

Here are some helpful blog posts I’ve written about changing your limiting beliefs, fostering self-love through journaling, and healing your inner child. These will be a great help in starting you on you self-esteem journey:

30 Days of Self-Love Journal Challenge

How to Heal Your Inner Child When Your Criticize Her Every Day

Learning About Limiting Beliefs and How to Heal Them 

I also have some FREE worksheets you can have sent straight to your inbox – all you have to do is sign up below! 

And lastly – here’s a great online therapy platform I HIGHLY recommend that will help you – it’s a bit cheaper than traditional therapy and doesn’t require meeting face-to-face (perfect for social distancing!).

 

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
12 Ways to Make Progress on Your Goals When You Feel Completely Stuck

12 Ways to Make Progress on Your Goals When You Feel Completely Stuck

Sometimes it can be really hard working towards a goal. You have all of these great plans, but then there comes various roadblocks, self-doubt, a change in circumstances, COVID!!, lack of motivation, and whatever else life throws at you.

I’ve always had tons of pretty hefty goals (some that I’ve reached, some I haven’t, and some I’m still working on) and I KNOW the struggle!

That’s why I’ve compiled a great list of things that I find always help me to find my motivation again and bust down those roadblocks! And you can do them super quickly to get back on track!

So here we go!

Ways to progress on your goals when you feel STUCK!

1. Make a list of everything you need to do. 

Just putting pen to paper can help create a flow of ideas. Make a list of everything that is making you feel stuck. Then you can go over it and see if there are ways that you can get unstuck with that. Basically just have a brainstorm session and it can help reset you and get new ideas that you might not have thought of.

2. Do some research. 

Take an hour or two to research common roadblocks that people commonly have with your type of goal. See if you can find any insight into how to overcome those roadblocks. You can even reach out to people who have had the same struggles as you and ask them about what they did to get out of those blocks. This will give you a lot of motivation and ideas to start overcoming your own roadblocks.

3. Take a break

Reset yourself for a bit. Give your brain a chance to relax a little bit. While it’s resting, you might actually get some new ideas or a new viewpoint of the whole situation.

4. Reprioritize

You might be feeling stuck because you’re not actually working on the right things and they might actually be slowing you down. 

Take a look at the things that are actually working for you and actually making your life and your work better and try to put those on the top of your to do list. You can even use a priority matrix which can help you figure out the most important things for you to be doing right now.

5. Listen to some inspirational podcasts or read some inspirational blogs

 I always find that getting some outside motivation can help you to re-jig your brain and make you feel way more motivated.

6. Watch a movie that relates to your life right now

I find that movies, tv shows, and other creative media can help me spark creative ideas. Even if they aren’t fully related to what you’re doing, they actually just have a way of sparking something in your brain and making you think differently and possibly lead to some new ideas and motivation.

7. Reach out to someone who is currently doing what you would like to do

 Not only will you get some really good advice, but this will also help build your network and maybe bring you new opportunities in the future.

8. Join a Facebook group in your niche

There are so many awesome Facebook groups out there and so many people who just want to help you or who are going through the same things as you. 

I’m in a couple of groups and the women in the groups are so supportive and so engaged that it really does bring you motivation. And people tend to ask a lot of questions which might help you with problems you have been wondering about.

9. Forgive yourself and get out of the shame spiral that’s causing you to get down on yourself

Sometimes we get caught in these negative thinking patterns that cause us to feel unmotivated and unengaged in our goals. We get down on ourselves, lose our confidence, and then it becomes a downwards spiral.

So to fix this, you need to acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, can be lazy sometimes, and can feel stuck – and you’re no different! Don’t let your past mistakes stop you from continuing NOW.

 

10. Get an accountability buddy

Even if they aren’t doing the same things as you, you guys can keep each other accountable on your own goals. 

This is a great way to fuel your motivation and help you to take action! I almost always need some external motivation to do the work that I need to do to reach my goals.

11. Remind yourself of why you want to reach your goal

You might realize that the reason you feel stuck is because you’re actually not as excited about your goals anymore, so maybe you need to shift your goals a bit. 

Or you just need to be reminded of the end goal, So that you can just give your motivation a little boost.

12. Find ways to enjoy the process. 

You don’t want to only focus on the end goal, you need to find a way to make the process enjoyable or else it’s just not worth it.

Now if you want a little bit of extra help with this, I have an awesome free goal planner that helps you figure out all of this stuff, like motivation, prioritizing, and other uncommon but crucial things that go into planning your goals. (By signing up, you’ll also get access to TONS more free resources!)

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
8 Essential Ways to Protect Your Emotions as an Empath

8 Essential Ways to Protect Your Emotions as an Empath

Lately I’ve been feeling VERY emotional. Is it because my life is difficult right now? No. Is it because life is difficult for some people I care about? Yes!

I’ve realized that I am a TOTAL empath!

I’ve always been aware that I’m generally empathetic, but lately it’s been much more prominent in my life and more difficult to deal with. And I bet many of you can relate!

That’s why I started thinking of ways we empaths can protect ourselves so we don’t get too drained and overwhelmed. 

If you’re here, you probably already know that you’re an empath, but in case you’re not sure, here are some ways to tell.

  • You can feel just as sad when something bad happens to someone you know as you would if it happened to you
  • You frequently feel emotional and don’t really know why
  • You may feel anxiety over jobs or tasks that will impact someone else
  • You get really sad during emotional movies
  • You generally feel a desire to help people and love the idea of improving the lives of others

So when you are an empath and exhibit some of these qualities, it can be very easy to get either emotionally drained or emotionally overwhelmed. 

So here are 8 ways to protect your emotions as an empath

#1 Reflect on who or what causes you to feel drained or overwhelmed

Do you feel drained after watching the news? Do you feel overwhelmed when reading about problems happening in the world?

Does the same happen when someone you know is having a bad day?

Or do you have someone in your life who uses you as an emotional crutch? (Either intentionally or not)

These things can be very draining for an empath and it’s the first step to recognize them.

#2 Recognize that you can’t fight people’s battles for them

As an empath, you probably want to solve everyone’s problems because you will feel so affected by them. 

Whether it’s wanting to save the world or fix all the problems of those close to you, you can’t do it all.

That isn’t to say that you can’t do your part to help the world or your loved ones, but recognize that you can only do so much – and that you do need to take care of your mental wellness first.

#3 Give what is within your comfortable range

So we already know that you would do anything for the people you care about, but let’s be real – you have limits. You can’t do it all. 

Figure out what is reasonable for you that you can help with and do that. 

You’ll feel good about contributing, but you won’t feel overwhelmed or drained. 

Related Article:  100 Self-Care Activities

#4 Determine your boundaries and stick to them

You can take #3 a step further and really figure out what you are able to give to others while still protecting your own emotional health.

A little exercise I like to do is think about about what “fills my cup” and what “empties my cup”.

There’s a popular saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”, meaning that you can’t help or give to others if you aren’t at your best (or at least at a good emotional level).

Make sure you stay away from the things that empty your cup.

If you are constantly doing things for people that empty your cup, you will burn out. 

If you’re getting drained by trying to please everyone, here are some tips:

-in any area of life, whether it’s at work or in your personal life, know that it’s ok to say no to things!

-be genuine and express that you just don’t have the emotional capacity right now

-if you do want to help people but you just find they drain you a bit too much, set a limit. Let them know you are there for them, but tell them in advance that you can only give so much time

-recognize that each person is in charge of their own lives and, whether they realize it or not, it will benefit them to work through their problems on their own.

#5 COMMUNICATE!!!!!

If there are people who continuously draining your energy and causing you negative emotions, you MUST communicate with them clearly. 

Let them know how they can affect you in a calm and nice way. 

Tell them that there are certain things you can’t help with and suggest someone that can help them (therapist, professional advisor, etc.)

If you let people know that you care, and that you actually might care too much, they will be more understanding.

Let them know that you are still there to listen, but that sometimes you need a break. Again, suggest therapy or counselling (or even a helpline) if you feel like they need more help or if you are worried that they are in a crisis. 

If it’s a co-worker or boss that is draining your energy by being demanding, callous, mean, or anything else that makes you feel upset – communication is key.

As an empath, you will take on that energy so strongly and it will not be a good environment for you.

And although it might seem scary to confront someone you work with (especially one who might be a little bit scary to you), it will be much better for you in the long run to at least try to make things better for yourself.

#6 Make time for self-care!!!

You need a you day! You NEED self-care in order to re-charge your mental energy.

Remember how we talked about filling your cup? Well in my mind, self-care is the best way to fill your cup.

Make sure that you do the things that fill your cup!

You can check out my post on 100 self-care ideas or sign up to get TONS of self-care worksheets, journal exercises, and tips on happy and healthy living! 

#7 Journal

Journaling is an incredible way to release your emotions if you are feeling bogged down by them. 

You can use stream of consciousness journaling to let go and release all of your thoughts onto paper. 

You can also use guided exercises like the 5 why’s and a thought dissection exercise. You can get them by following the links or you can download my free self-care worksheets above, so you can get beautiful printable worksheets (you can also fill them in my editing the pdfs). 

Just write down how you feel and that can help you get your thoughts and feelings out of your mind and body. 

#8 Consider therapy, counselling, or coaching

Sometimes these empathetic feelings can really affect you, and that’s ok.

Sometimes there are toxic people that are hard to escape from. (And if you do think you’re in a toxic or even abusive relationship, there are resources to help, like this website)

Therapy or counselling is an excellent way to deal with your emotions. Whether you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or just need advice on how to deal with different people and situations in your life! 

You can also consider online therapy, which is a great way to get counselling and therapy from the comfort of your own home!

Protecting your emotions as an empath is ESSENTIAL

If you need any extra help with self-care and your mental health I have tons of free resources that you can use below! 

It comes with 100+ journal prompts (and many more resources) that can help you to manage your emotions and live a balanced and healthy life!

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
30 Days of Self-Love for a More Confident You! | Self-Love Challenge

30 Days of Self-Love for a More Confident You! | Self-Love Challenge

“I’m not good enough for that”

“They’re not going to like me”

“There’s no way I could ever do that” 

“Ugh I wish I was skinnier”

“I can’t believe I said that. Why did I say that???”

These are just a few examples of things that we say to ourselves that can be completely unfair and definitely not self-loving. 

If you find yourself saying any of these things to yourself or anything similar, you can definitely benefit from a 30-day self-love reset.

You can definitely go through these exercises in less or more time than the 30 days, but I feel that 30 days is a good length of time to create a habit of self-love. 

I have outlined everything in this post, but if you would like a beautiful printable copy to follow along with, you can sign up below for free!

You’ll also get tons of other printable sheets to help you with self-care, mental health, productivity, and really everything that contributes towards a happy and healthy life!

Why I created 30 Days of Self-Love

I used to be one of those people who did not have much self-love at all.

I was constantly beating myself up about every little thing I did wrong, I would be up all night if I said anything I thought was “stupid”, I was constantly sad if I wasn’t doing as well as other people in school or in my career, and I was unfair to my body because I didn’t look the way I thought I should. 

The list goes on.

I didn’t realize that these unhelpful sayings were actually way more toxic than I thought.

These were signs of a severe lack of self-love.

To love someone is to love them for not only for their good qualities but for their flaws as well. 

Think about how you give love to others: 

You still love your parents even though they’re not perfect.

You still love your friends even though they’re not perfect.

You still love your partner even though they’re not perfect.

You still love your dog even though… wait… nevermind, dogs are perfect! 

But you get my point! 

You need to love yourself like you love others!

You need to learn to love yourself FOR your flaws and for the amazing strength you have for surviving the things that have made you feel like you are not good enough.

But now, it’s time to change how you think about those things that made you have love for yourself less and start using them as your strengths. 

My Biggest Self-Love Breakthrough

When I FINALLY started to truly love myself was when I forgave myself for my mistakes and showed myself compassion for all the things I had been through.

Life is unfair, and there are a lot of great people who get a lot of crap thrown at them that they don’t deserve. 

That includes you. 

And you have to realize that it’s not your fault that these things happened to you. 

People are mean to you because they have problems.

People expect you to be skinny/pretty (or any other annoying standard) because society has problems.

You have unrealistic success standards for yourself because you are comparing yourself to unrealistic standards that don’t reflect reality.

What to Expect for the next 30 Days of Self-Love 

So for the next 30 days, we’re going to focus on retraining your brain on how you see yourself, your successes, and your failures.

Each day will build off of the previous day to slowly bring you to having more love for yourself. 

Try to do these in the morning so that you can keep the positivity flowing throughout the day!

Day 1: Write an intention that you can use every day.

Here are some examples. 

A daily intention will help you start your day with purpose. You can write the intention (or a new intention) at the top of your journal page every morning so that you can remind yourself every day. 

Day 2: Write five positive affirmations about yourself. 

Think about different aspects of your personality and why they make you truly unique.

Try to incorporate saying these into your daily routine.

Hint: try things like writing them on your mirror (or on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror) or saying them when you wake up (along with your daily intention).

Day 3: List all of the toxic things you say about yourself

(I know that you know you’re being toxic to yourself, don’t say that you don’t know which habits are toxic)

But if you don’t know, some toxic habits include:

-beating yourself up over tiny mistakes

-calling yourself stupid

-believing everything is your fault and that you are somehow responsible for how others are feeling

This is going to be a great way to identify when you are being unfair to yourself.

Day 4: Re-wiring thought patterns

This is an exercise that you should do every time you have a negative thought.

Look back at your toxic habits from yesterday’s exercise. 

For every bad thought about yourself, write something positive.

For every fear or insecurity you have, write a strength that you have that could help you deal with the fear or insecurity.

Think about why you feel you say those things to yourself. What could be the cause?

Day 5: Write a letter to your childhood self. 

What were your insecurities? 

How do you feel about them now? 

What have you learned since then? 

How can you apply that now? 

Day 6: Write a letter to your teenage self.

What were your insecurities? 

How do you feel about them now? 

What have you learned since then? 

How can you apply that now? 

Day 7: Write yourself a pep talk for when you feel sad or full of doubt. 

Sometimes we get caught up in our minds, and our emotions, like fear, doubt, and sadness can cause us to lose sight of all the positive things about us and in our lives. It’s important to have something to look back on when you’re feeling down.

Day 8: What kind of words would your closest friend, sibling, or parent say about you? 

And don’t say that they don’t have anything good to say about you, because they definitely do have kind words to say about you, even if you don’t think so.

Day 9: For every “weakness” you think you have, write a strength that you have. Or even better, write ways in which your weakness is actually a strength.

This is another way to rewire your thinking patterns.

Day 10: Write a list of inspirational quotes to look back on. 

Here are some of my favourites:

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years, try approving of yourself and see what happens” – Louise Hay

“In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you” – Andrea Dykstra

“Your greatest responsibility is to love yourself and to know that you are enough” – Unknown

Day 12: Write five things you can do right now that can help you feel better. 

This is important because it gives you the power. This is going to help show your brain that you are in control.

Day 13: Think back to the times where you have felt uncomfortable receiving a compliment. 

Why do you think that is?

This is a great time to do the “5 why’s exercise”. Where you ask yourself “Why?” 5 times, each time diving deeper and getting to the original root cause of your fear or insecurity.

Day 14: When was the last time you felt empowered and like a true badass? 

What were you doing? 

Do you remember what you were thinking about yourself? 

Try to use these feelings and situations in the future to start feeling like this more often!

Day 15: Write a letter to your insecurities and tell them why they absolutely don’t define you. 

What defines you is your character and your will to improve if you’ve done something wrong.

Nothing else really matters.

Day 16: Write as if: how would you act if you were the most confident person in the world? 

What would you do? What would you wear? How would you approach people? How would you handle arguments? How would you handle your mistakes?

Day 17: Write down a list of people you admire.

In what ways are you similar to them?  

Day 18: What do you need to forgive yourself for?

Stop beating yourself up for every little thing. We are all human and certainly cannot be perfect. It is perfectly ok that you have made mistakes, as long as you can own them and strive to be better next. It’s really all that you can do. 

Day 19: Write yourself a letter giving yourself forgiveness.

The act of writing this and letting go of the things that bring you guilt and shame can be very freeing.

This is something you can come back to when you are feeling guilty or shameful.

Day 20: What are your core values? Why do they make you special?

We all have unique ways of adding value to the world and that can make us very special.

Core values include: being kind, supporting the environment, being honest, being loyal, defending others, helping others by giving constructive criticism, and many other things.

Day 21: Write a list of your greatest accomplishments.

Even if they are super small, they are an accomplishment. 

Even if it was as simple as getting out of bed

Day 22: Write a list of ways that you add value to the world. 

Remember that there are many things that you do that people appreciate about you, but you just don’t realize that they do. 

Think about even the smallest things: do you smile at people? Do you make people feel included? Do you hold the door open for people? Do you make a killer lasagna? Whatever it is, know that you add a unique value to the world and that is something to be proud of.

Day 23: What are some things you can work on to be the person that you want to be. 

Attention: This does not mean changing yourself or any of your core values! It also does not mean that you are not incredible the way you are. It just means that you can make some adjustments to start working towards your personal goals. 

Day 24: Write why it’s OK that you are not there yet.

It’s perfectly ok to not quite be there (or to be far from that “ideal” version of yourself). You are amazing the way you are.

Also, there are things in your life that you have gone through that have caused mental or emotional blocks for you, or maybe have caused

Day 25: Why is it important to you to be this “ideal person”? 

Do you feel pressured?

Does it align with your core values? 

Day 26: What are your true dreams? 

What is standing in your way? Why? Write why it’s ok that you are not there yet. Write actions tips that you can start doing to get closer to that dream.

Day 27: Write something positive about each of your body parts, face, and even your “problem areas”. 

Body shame is another huge reason for a lack of self-love, but why should it matter? 

Don’t like the look of your legs? They help you walk, dance, run, play sports, you name it! You should be grateful to them, not being ashamed and trying to change them.

Day 28: List your biggest triumphs. 

What have you overcome to get where you are today? There have probably been many obstacles you have overcome that you should be so proud of!

Day 29: Imagine you had a friend with all of your exact characteristics.

What positive things would you say to them? What would you tell them if they had a bad day? And what would you say to them if they failed at something? 

Trying to see things from a different perspective can help you to go easier on yourself. You wouldn’t judge someone else (especially a friend) nearly as much as you judge yourself.

Day 30: Write 5 positive affirmations about yourself

Yes, you did do this on day two, but I want you to do this again (without looking back to day two) and then compare to see how far you have come on your self-love journey.

***

Feel free to look back on any of these exercises when you need a little extra love! Your whole idea of yourself might not change in just 30 days, but it’s definitely worth it to start!

If you want a gorgeous, printable version of this you can sign up below to get access for free!

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
10 easy ways to get yourself out of a bad mood

10 easy ways to get yourself out of a bad mood

Being in a bad mood SUCKS!

I am no stranger to bad moods. Sometimes it’s because of hanger or some other “easily solvable” reason, but sometimes you just feel low.

There was a point in my life that I could fall into a bad mood several times a day or, even worse, get into a bad mood and not be able to get out of that headspace for days or even weeks!

This is especially a problem right now thanks to a certain stupid virus (I won’t mention any names though lol), so we don’t have our usual routines to keep us busy or to keep us in our usual headspace.

I’ve found, through tons of personal experience, that getting back into a good mood doesn’t have to be that hard (with exceptions, of course, like mental illness or going through an emotional trauma). Sometimes, all you need is to do something different and engaging to snap you out of your bad mood! 

Now one of the best ways to avoid these darker moods is to prevent them – which I will save for another post – but if you have already felt yourself slipping into a bad headspace (or you’re already there), I’ve got you!

And also remember that it’s ok to feel your feelings and it’s ok to be in a bad mood – but sometimes it’s nice to have easy little ways of breaking free from that headspace!

So I have some great, easy ways to get yourself OUT of your bad mood – but don’t plan to do them all or else you’ll get overwhelmed and you might not end up doing any of them! (I’ve been down that road too many times to count!)

Start with one and as you start to feel better, then move on to some others.

Disclaimer: Products on this page may contain affiliate links. We only promote products that we think are super awesome and will provide value to you! You can read more about our terms here.

So without further adieu, 

Here are my 10 ways to get yourself out of a bad mood!

So my first step to stop being a sad blob is to:

1. Get up and get moving!

The best way to quickly change your mood or what your mind is doing is to change what your body is doing. 

There is endless research on why exercise is good for you. Endorphins, health, uh… more endorphins! Yeah, basically it’s all about the endorphins, which are super important and will physiologically put you in a good mood!

 Also, by getting up and moving, you are distracting yourself and breaking the negative thought spiral that you might have been in.

And you don’t need to do a super intense workout, you can do anything from going for a walk, getting up to do some laundry or house work, or doing a full blown muscle (and endorphin) pumping workout!

Bonus points if you can get out in the sun and get some vitamin D which is crucial in promoting happiness!

Bonus bonus points if you also drink some water! You might not realize how much you need to drink (and how little you actually drink!). Being dehydrated can lead to you feeling dizzy or even confused – and can definitely contribute to a bad mood!

2. Go do something you love

Even if you don’t really feel like it, changing what you are focusing on can snap you out of your downward spiral.

Doing one of your hobbies – even if it’s for a few minutes – will change what your mind is focusing on and will distract you from this bad mood.

Plus, it’s something that you love, so that should just naturally put you in a good mood.

Note that distraction isn’t always a good idea if there are deeper problems you need to fix, but if you are just experiencing your run-of-the-mill case of the downers, distraction can work wonders!

3.Talk to your friends/parents/siblings or go do a “social activity”

First of all, talking to someone about your problems is always a great way to get things off your chest and sort your thoughts out. Also, just knowing that someone cares about you and what you are going through is worth so much. 

If you don’t really want to talk about what is bumming you out, just socializing, talking, and laughing with people can snap you out of your funk and put you in a great mood (right now you’ll have to do this by phone or video chat). 

Oftentimes, socializing is the last thing that we want to do when we aren’t feeling great, because we don’t feel like our usual likeable selves. But going out and being around people (even virtually) sort of forces us to be our usual likeable selves and not the grump who’s locking themselves in their room. 

Sometimes you just have to pretend to be in a better mood and then your body and mind will just start to believe you. Remember: fake it ’til you make it! (Not always good advice, but in this case, it can be!)

4. Clean your space

It’s surprising how much our surroundings can affect our moods. If your place is a bit messy (or getting out of hand – I’m no stranger to that!), it can take a toll on your mood. It’ll get even worse if you keep putting off that task, because then you are prolonging the mess and making yourself feel worse.

Fun fact (well it’s more of a not-so-fun fact): when we put off a task that we think will be uncomfortable is some way, actually experience more discomfort putting it off then if we were to actually do it.

So basically, you’ll feel better if you just do the task.

Now this is much easier said than done, so my tip is to just put on a timer for 5 minutes (super easy to do) and start cleaning and see how far you get! I bet you’ll get wayyy more done than you anticipated.

Related Article: 100 Self Care Ideas

5. Put on a great playlist

This might seem like such a small and obvious thing to do, but my mood can seriously go from slump-to-pumped in no time if I have the right song on.

Music is one of the greatest ways to transport yourself into a completely different state of mind.

If you put on a sweet playlist that either pumps you up or is just some happy music, you will automatically feel better. 
I think this is another thing that people underestimate. It takes only a few minutes to pick out a good playlist (especially if you have spotify) and you can listen to it even if you are super busy!

The easiest way to add more music to your life is to use a wireless, bluetooth speaker! The one below is the one I use and I love it!

6. Listen to an inspiring podcast

There is no shortage of incredible podcasts out there. And there are so many that have such amazing people talking about the incredible things they have done and the obstacles they have overcome to get there. 

I find that if I am ever doubting myself or being pessimistic about the future, I just find something inspiring to listen to. I’m actually almost never pessimistic about the future because of all the awesome podcasts I have listened to. 

This also goes for Youtube videos and Ted Talks.

You can find podcasts on spotify, cast box, apple podcasts, and tons of other places! 

7. Light a candle or diffuse some essential oils

Essential oils have been known to have many positive effects on the body and smelling calming smells, such as lavender, can soothe your body.

Essential oils and oil diffusers are fairly inexpensive and last so long! And if you buy a pack of oils, you can try out different combinations, which is also fun!

Essential oils are known to have therapeutic effects as well, but I just love them because I just feel calm and nice when I put my diffuser on! 

 8. Breathe deeply

Breathing deeply is also known to work wonders for the body.

It is often overlooked because of its simplicity, but we often breathe shallowly when we are stressed or anxious and forget to completely fill our lungs with air. Breathing deeply is simply a great way to calm yourself down and bring some peace to your life! Here’s a great article with a few techniques!

You can also try a little meditation as well. I’ve been using the app Oak, which has a nice design and so far I really like the meditations.

9. EFT Tapping

EFT tapping is one of the most amazing things that has come into my life! It was my saving grace during an intense period of anxiety and panic attacks.

I’ll be writing a full article on EFT tapping soon, but in short, you do a series of tapping on different pressure points on your body, while repeating a positive phrase that acknowledges your worries and accepts them.

I find that it’s also an excellent way to ground yourself.

Grounding is where you bring your attention to what is happening to you physically, either in your body or your surroundings. 

If you feel anxious or unsettled, this will shift your focus from your thoughts to physical sensations, which can feel very calming and helps you to get out of your head. 

The phrase will go something like this: “Even though I have this worry/problem, I deeply and completely accept myself”

You say that phrase in your head over and over while tapping the different parts of your body. You can get full instructions here.

10. Meditate/repeat a mantra

Doing a guided meditation or meditating while repeating a mantra can put you into an entirely different headspace. 

The benefits of meditation are well known, but it can sometimes be difficult to get that kind of mental stillness easily, especially when you’re not in the best headspace. 

BUT if you listen to a guided meditation, you don’t have to do as much of the work and you have someone who knows what they are doing to direct you to a happier place. It’s great!

Also, much like the EFT tapping, it can be good just to repeat a positive phrase or mantra. It can be very simple too, such as “I am in a bad mood right now, but I have a great life because of xyz reasons and I am a happy, positive person”.

You can read my article on some simple stress-relieving mantras.

And there you have it! 10 things to do to pull yourself out of a bad mood. I really hope this helps if you are feeling down!

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!
How to Feel More Fulfilled in Life by Caring Less

How to Feel More Fulfilled in Life by Caring Less

I’m going to ask you a question. It may be a little bit daunting, but bear with me.

Do you feel absolutely fulfilled in your life right now?

Think about it for a moment, and answer honestly.

Now I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I’m willing to bet that a lot of you may have responded with something along the lines of this:

There’s so much more I want to accomplish in life – I don’t feel absolutely fulfilled yet”.

Disclaimer: products on this page may contain affiliate links. We only promote products that we think are super awesome and will provide value to you! You can read more about our terms here.

That 3-letter word: ‘yet’ 

I want you to take a minute here and think about the word ‘yet’. This is a bit of a tricky word. Why? Because it makes us believe that the key to being fulfilled lies somewhere in the future. That we must accomplish ‘XYZ’ before we can be fulfilled. 

This isn’t quite how it works though.

Life fulfillment doesn’t just “appear” once you’ve accomplished your goals. Instead, what we mistakenly label as being “fulfilled” after we achieve these things is more like fleeting satisfaction. It lasts for a short while, and then it disappears. All of a sudden we’re back to feeling how we were before – unfulfilled.

If you keep believing that fulfillment will only arrive once you’ve achieved your goals – you’ll constantly feel unsettled, unsatisfied, and ultimately unhappy with what you’re doing in life.

Fulfillment is available to you NOW

The truth is, life fulfillment is something that you should feel every single day – starting right now.

Before you turn away and mock what I’m saying as “wishful thinking”, I want to share with you one very important quote:

It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit – Denis Waitley

Finding life fulfillment isn’t this big, mystifying quest that a lot of us may imagine it to be. In reality, it’s really quite easy to find.

True life fulfillment, as Mr. Waitley illustrates, can be found in the “happiness of pursuit”. In other words, it lies in doing things that we enjoy doing. Pursuing things. Whether these are larger life pursuits such as starting your own business, writing a book, or raising a family – or smaller pursuits such as learning how to draw, learning about different tree varieties, or even reading books.

We should be pursuing things every single day.

This may sound like a big ask, but it really isn’t. It doesn’t mean we have to accomplish and achieve a certain “goal” every day, it just means we have to occupy ourselves with doing something we enjoy every day. Doing “our stuff”. It’s all about the action of doing, not the end result.

And in the action of doing these things – in pursuing something we like – we will feel completely and totally fulfilled.

The best part is, this feeling of fulfillment won’t just disappear when we stop doing the activity we enjoy. It will last. It will radiate through our whole body every second of the day because we’ll know that we’re doing stuff that means something to us – stuff that we’re interested in, stuff that’s important to us, stuff that we love.

The #1 trick to help you feel more fulfilled

Okay, so in writing, it sounds easy. To be fulfilled, we just have to spend some time during our day doing things we enjoy.

But I know that life gets busy. I know that a lot of us may want to do more things we enjoy during our day, but we may scratch our heads wondering how. Our days seem to go by SO QUICKLY, right? Where on earth are we supposed to find the time to do the things we enjoy doing, right?!

Well, there’s one trick that’s going to help you with this. Here it is:

Cut out the things you don’t care about 

We spend SO many hours of our day occupying our minds with stuff that we really don’t give a crap about. Life is short, and we only have so much mental capacity. If we fill our minds and our lives with too much stuff, we’ll have less time to spend on the stuff that really matters to us. 

Now of course there’s the stuff we have to do. We all have obligations and things that we need to do every day whether we like them or not (*ahem* washing dishes *ahem*). But the truth is, a lot of the time there are other things we don’t truly care about that we can easily cut out of our lives.

To give you some examples, here are the 5 biggest things I’ve cut out of my life to make room for doing more of the things I enjoy:

1. Mindless TV: 

I still watch Netflix every now and then, but not nearly as much as I used to. I find TV can be entertaining, but I really don’t care that much about it. It doesn’t make me feel truly fulfilled.

2. Social media: 

I have a small group of friends that I’m very close to and I message them regularly. Other than that, I don’t feel the need to see every random person’s life updates and photos on my social feed. It’s a total waste of time, and distracts me from doing the stuff that’s really important to me. 

3. Eating out of boredom: 

I used to be a heavy snacker. If I ever had free time during my day, I’d just reach for a little snack and eat it to pass the time. The thing is, I wasn’t even hungry. It was just another useless (but tasty) time-sucker.

4. Keeping in contact with people I’m not close to:

I find it very difficult to keep in regular contact with a lot of people via text. It’s just something that I don’t love doing. I used to stress myself out by trying to keep in contact with old acquaintances constantly, but I finally decided that it was taking up too much of my mental headspace. It may sound a bit cold, but stopping this has helped free up so much of my time!

(FYI – I communicated this to all my acquaintances, so they know that I’m not just ghosting them! I still keep in contact, but only rarely, and they are okay with this)

5. The desire to do too many things

This was the biggest one for me. There are SO many different things I’d love to learn about and do (like most of you I’m sure!). It got to the point that I never knew what to start doing! I had all these fantasies of things I could do – but it was too much choice. It was too overwhelming.

Finally, I decided to narrow it down to TWO (only two!) things that I truly wanted to spend time pursuing. It ended up being yoga and working on my online business. Once I got all the other stuff out of my mental headspace, I felt like I had so much more clarity! Now I can just laser focus on each of these two things! Honestly, I’ve never felt so fulfilled in my life!

To find out what YOU can cut out of your life, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions: 

  • What activities during my day make me feel bad? 
  • What activities during my day make me feel bored?
  • What activities during my day are nice at the time but really don’t add anything to my life?
  • What is taking up too much mental headspace in my life?
  • What is keeping me from doing the things I actually want to do in life? 

Remember: the point here isn’t to cut EVERYTHING out of your life that you don’t like. The point is to define what things don’t bring value to your life so that you are better able to make room for things that do bring value to it!

True life fulfillment is available to you right now, this very second. All you have to do is allow for room for it to flourish!

If you’re looking for more useful tips and tricks on how to start living your BEST, most FULFILLED life, then download my free Anxiety Handbook! In it, you’ll find loads of useful pages (+ journal exercises!) that will help guide you in how to incorporate daily habits into you life that support a healthy, happy mind!

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Sagesse ("Say Jess")

Owner of Mindaya

Hey guys, it’s Sagesse – the face behind website! I’m dedicated to helping you find freedom your anxiety and overcome the mental obstacles that are standing in the way of your best life!